Michigan Week

As I wait to go to some Japanese Garden deal today, I figured I may as well post on the sinking ship that is this blog. We all know Hayes is too lazy to post something, especially his alter-ego, Self-Conscious Hayes, but I mean there really hasn't been anything posted in like 3 weeks.

Regardless, I thought I was post my thoughts on the upcoming American Collegiate Football match between Michigan State University and the University of Michigan. There is really much to write about this series, as we (MSU) get beat every year like a hobo with a sock full of nickels. This year is most likely no different, as the same storyline comes into effect as it has every year. Michigan is decent and will probably go to a good bowl game and we, like a fly to a light bulb, again think we are a more-than-mediocre team, and then we lose to Northwestern, begin our meltdown, and then lose to as many teams as humanly possible.

Although we had some horrendously gut-churning losses (UM 2004, UM 2005, OSU 2005, ND 2006), there at least was a layer of laughter in this cake of embarrassment. That cake layer is John L Smith.

For some reason, someone thought it would be funny to hire John L Smith during my entire tenure at Michigan State. A guy who more resembles a senile gas station attendant than a Big Ten Head Football Coach. A guy who provided some gems of stupidity both on and off the field. On the field, JLS never really had a use for defense or special teams. His idea of coaching defense was basically score as many points as possible and hope that opposing offense lightly tosses and gives away the ball to our linebackers. Special teams' needs were fulfilled by having an open tryout for a field goal kicker. So Kyle Funk could've tried out for MSU's kicker at one point, probably with a cigarette in his mouth, while wearing his Chuck Taylors.

However, off the field is where JLS truly shined. After a loss that escapes me (due to my mental blocking out of many games I have endured), John L Smith demonstrated to the entire nation something somehow more embarrassing than the previous loss MSU endured: slapping himself.

Another great moment came during the Ohio State game in 2005, where after a botched field goal attempt led to an Ohio State touchdown and our perennial spiral into the abyss, John L Smith gave the nation and our fans the calm and cool explanation as to why our season had just ended during that play. I would type out the quote, but you all know it by heart now, and I'm sure the video of it on Youtube is still up.

So yeah, it is in fact MSU/Michigan week so I thought I would also leave with some vile trash talk for Michigan fans in the form of an Onion article:

You Will Suffer Humiliation When The Sports Team From My Area Defeats The Sports Team From Your Area