The Rock: An Analysis

The Rock!

Michael Bay directs. Hans Zimmer does the music.

It's a movie about...uh, can anyone summarize the plot of the movie in coherent sentence?

No, no one can. That's ok, because the movie stars Nick Cage as a chemical weapons expert (what?) and Sean Connery as himself. Alright. The film also features Ed Harris, and that doctor guy from Scrubs. Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

What is The Rock? I'm not sure, they say the name "rock" several throughout the film. It's obviously a symbolic word. Perhaps it reflects the rock that hollywood was entering when this blockbuster was released. It feels extremely cliche, yet I feel this film embraces every cliche the hollywood film book has to offer.

It's the movie that jumpstarted that girl from Meet Joe Black's career. It cemented Michael Bay's role in hollywood. It feels like a prequel to Entrapment. And Gone in 60 seconds. Which paved the way for "Fast Furious". This is a very influential film. It stars Nick Cage. Hey, Face Off!

But after all is said, I've immediately lost interest. I mean, I get it, the rock. San Francisco. Stuff. Is Ed Harris a bad guy? Yes. What else? who cares.

Terminator 2 is on the other channel! Wow, thank god. Terminator 2. A beautiful movie. Do I need to explain why this movie is so great? I can't. I'm drunk, but I love this movie. A truly great movie. Why does the T-1000 walk so slowly? It doesn't matter. This movie rocks, and Arnold gives a thumbs up as his character is being disintegrated by molting hot lava. Wow.

So what is the point of writing about this? Nothing. But I think we can all watch both of these movies and appreciate their place in history and movie making history. The fact that somehow out there took the time to make these movies, one being objectively more brilliant than the other, puzzles me. Movies are made to make money. How do we maximize the amount of money that they can make? Well, many ways, I suppose. But to make a film that gives us, the audience, a thumbs up, is pretty cool.

poor blog :(

something is happening

sup. the city of east lansing has some gritty areas, especially at night. no place in particular, just saying is all. So a few nights ago I was thinking about David Duchovny or whatever and I was struggling with why I will never be a badass like him. And then all of a sudden it hit me:



Smoking cigarettes is so cool.

Not that I smoke because I think it's a cool thing to do, and many people are just gross and have no grace, but there is something very magical about a cloud of smoke floating slowly in front of you and falling upon a beautiful movie or person or Harrison Ford.

ANYWAY, David Lynch is kind of a bitch sometimes, but he's pretty much a badass in his own way - and I think his smoking habit is just an extension of that. Most of his characters enjoy a smoke while contemplating some bizarre mind fuck.

That brings another bonus to the wonderful world of smoking; it bonds people together. So that's pretty neat, and pretty obvious.


Unfortunately, smoking is hazardous to your health and can make you miserable in the long run until you die.

Top 10 Reasons to watch Lost Highway

Lost Highway is about... a man in trouble.

It is David Lynch's first exploration of film-making through the human psyche's perspective. Everything that happens in the movie is a result of the main character's psychological manifestation. The characters are not what they seem; Lynch uses multiple identities for any single character to represent the distortion of the main character's perspective. Through this we develop an insight to the main character that allows us to understand their condition; we may not fully comprehend the reality of the main character's life, but more importantly we experience their reaction to reality.

At it's core, Lost Highway is about the torment of being unable to break out of the six stages of the Karmic Cycle (the only solution is to break free from desire and obtain enlightenment, obivo). This concept is explored in a similar fashion in Mulholland Drive, and dramatically developed in INLAND EMPIRE. So now lets look the kick-ass perspective of what makes Lost Highway such an awesome movie.

10 Reason to watch Lost Highway

10. David Bowie sings the first and last song of the movie. The entire soundtrack is pretty much perfect.

9. Introduction to symbolic themes, objects, and colors that resurface in Mulholland Drive and INLAND EMPIRE. Black telephones, colors red and blue, curtains (see Twin Peaks), car accidents, dreams, blurry images, Scott Coffey.

8. Jack Nance's last movie :(

7. Nightclubs and saxophones, tenor.

6. Patrica Arquette's boobies.


5. Gary Busey

4. Incredibly suspenseful scenes.

3. Robert Loggia freaking out a guy for tailgating.



2. Robert Blake plays the scariest Lynch character, i think.











1. Pullman

That's Fucking Crazy, Man

CALL ME

generic new york times article that makes alex even happier about where he lives

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/04/realestate/04nati.html?ex=1351742400&en=f0434a7d81904f69&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

In 2001 I placed a joke in an internet time capsule so I could laugh at it in the future.

Yesterday I googled my name just for shits and googles. Giggles. And one result had me completely flabbergasted, mind boggled, flim-flammed, and shoot-danged. First, a little background.

In the year 2001 I was a high school underclassmen with taste far supreme than that of my peers. I was totally that guy. I went to Matchbox 20 concerts and listened to Ben Harper before anyone I knew ever smoked pot. I was so proud of my status as an above-the-fray heady music dude, that apparently I thought my brilliant and forward thinking opinions needed to be shared with the public via this crazy new invention called "the internet." Now, I don't remember doing this, which leads me to believe that I somehow erased my memory (probably using another wild technology) so that I could discover it yesterday and laugh with wild self-loathing and deprecation. Click with caution, and please, don't tell anyone this exists.

Music you should hear: An Amazon.com list by Kyle Funk circa 2001

God, I don't even know where to start making fun of myself for this. I really don't. But fine, here are a few highlights:

Kyle Funk says:
	"No it's NOT bryan adams, it's RYAN adams, and he's awesome. Great songwriting and an amazing voice make this a album you'll want."

Kyle Funk says:
	"DMB is so much better than they get credit for. This CD is one of their best live ones and has great guest performers, including the amazing TIM RENYOLDS!"

Kyle Funk says:
	"This is a shockingly awesome cd. WSP is jammy, hippie type music with an emotional twist. you'll love it."

Jesus. Buttfucking. Christ. There are NO WORDS. Honestly, there is no possible way that I could have planned this more perfectly. It's as if soon a time machine will be invented and I'll go back and do this just because future me will know how hard current me will laugh at past me.

So anyways, on the subject of music lists, and in hope of redeeming my reputation just a little bit, I made my top 10 albums of 2007 list today. It has a nice balance of twang, rock, and noise. Totally rad.

1. Parts & Labor - Mapmaker
2. Magnolia Electric Co. - Sojourner
3. The Everybodyfields - Nothing is Okay
4. Jason Isbell - Sirens of the Ditch
5. Dexateens - Hardwire Healing
6. No Age - Weirdo Rippers
7. The National - Boxer
8. Deadstring Brothers - Silver Mountain
9. Dinosaur Jr. - Beyond
10. Sarah Borges and the Broken Singles - Diamonds in the Dark

It was tough to narrow it down to ten, and there were some albums that probably would have swiped that 10th spot had I listened to them more. For example, I'm fairly confident that Richard Hawley's album Lady's Bridge is actually quite phenomenal, but I haven't had a chance to endear myself to it just yet. Mapmaker is pretty much the sweetest fucking album ever though. I bet 2001 Kyle would make fun of 2007 Kyle for making this list. Lucky for me 2001 Kyle is a total douche.

Indoor Soccer Report (for Hayes)

God, we fucking suck. Fuck. Fuck me, fuck shit cock shit cockmongrel. Cockmaster shit cunt shit. So the first game went a little something like this: we fucking lost 8-0, fuck me. Still, some highlights from yours truly: #1: headbutted a bald dude who looked like he was in the klan. His immediate reaction of 'Jesus Christ!' made me more scared than when I have to pass by the liquor store near Weidler at night. I'm sure he got over it.

Highlight #2 included nearly getting kicked out of the game while chasing the ball on breakaway and slide tackling right into the goalie's stomach. If the ref wasn't such a hippie, I would've at the very least gotten a card. I don't think I injured him as much as the bald dude, which sucks because the goalie was probably out there swingin' his dick around after getting a shutout. I also kind of grazed the back of some cupcake's leg, but I think she was just acting when she yelled after that.

If we don't win our next game, shit is fucked. And no riots either. :(